That Sword of Damocles

My being bullied by someone who's bitter, because I wasn't stupid enough to not see that he tried to cheat after failing to deliver a first assignment on time and because I was honest enough to report the truth, is quite hurtful - all the more since I'm just the link between my bullying liar and my bosses, and I've got no feedback from the Suits.

That has made me think about my life. My life today. My life as a survivor.

This is a kind of testimony to document the damages of abuse and bullying.

Of course, my bullying liar doesn't know a thing about me, my life, my past... He doesn't know a thing about me, and all he cares about is that he's been made to look bad, twice, because he didn't do his job - twice, and after I gave him a second chance, he decided that yelling at the Suits that I'm the one who's bad, and who's targeting him on purpose (because I'm obviously that mean, and everybody's going to back him up on that [that bullying liar must be smoking the bad lawn, as no one is going to lie for him]).

So... I can prove that the bullying liar is a bullying liar, and I can probably get other people to back me up (because I do my job well), and yet... I am in pain.

I know that I'm doing my job well, but that bullying liar has managed to make me doubt that I'm any good. That sent me back to the time when I was in an abusive relationship that nearly killed me (ten years being tortured by a manipulator, who'd deny everything even today - two years on Prozac, trying to rebuild my life and my confidence).

It's really odd, because just before that thing happened - I mean just one bloody day before! - I was thinking that I was happy and that things would be fine.

Now... I'm on the verge of an ulcer, and I don't know how I'm going to recover from what the bullying liar did to me, to my work, and to my good reputation (and I just bet that he'd be delighted to know that he's done that to me).

Today... I find myself wondering if the Void, the Shadows, that worm that could tackle me into deep depression (something so deep that I'd kick the bucket, one way or the other) is ever going to leave my life.

It's probably one of these conditions that one has to monitor forever.

It's somehow a good thing that I was doing so well when I was psychologically stabbed in the back several times, since that prevented me from collapsing too low, but I really wish the Suits were a tad more concerned that they've opened the door to a Snake who could get someone to collapse for good, just because that lazy plonker didn't want to work properly and didn't appreciate being told the naked truth.