Preliminary note: I considered not posting this one, but the amount of sexism and victim-blaming I've read today is making me see red, so before I blow a fuse, I give you a growly post on a thorny topic...
I'm back home, and I'm angry... because I was silly enough to watch the news (I should stick to newspapers and Twitter; those can already make me growl, but usually, I don't get to put a face on plonkers saying stupid things).
I'm back home, and I'm angry... because I was silly enough to watch the news (I should stick to newspapers and Twitter; those can already make me growl, but usually, I don't get to put a face on plonkers saying stupid things).
So, there was this section about the death of a baby, killed by his violent and abusive father.
Allow me to yell this in red: WE MUST EDUCATE PEOPLE ABOUT ABUSE AND HOW TO HELP VICTIMS!!!
It was a complete festival of victim-blaming in that section:
- the neighbours: heard the shouts and the wife being beaten, but they did nothing and said nothing.
- the wife's mother and father-in-law: scolded the husband, and stopped going to see their daughter after the husband threatened them with a knife.
- the wife's father: he tried to protect her by telling her to leave, but now he blames her for staying.
- the various shop owners in town: saw the black eyes and bruises on the wife, but they "didn't want to get involved" because it was "none of their business".
When the wife got pregnant and her husband kept beating her, she went to the police.
What happened?
The husband got a few hours of community service. Awwwwwwwwwww!
Now, he's killed their baby.
I've just seen the Prosecutor declare calmly that the mother is somehow guilty as well because she didn't protect her child.
What about going to court six months ago and trying to get protection - and being left alone with a drinking sociopath?
What about being brainwashed into believing that she couldn't do a single thing without her husband (as per several shop owners' testimonies!)?
What about being another victim in this? Just a victim.
People who've never been abused can't imagine what it is. As I've already said before, my own mother is deeply convinced that I could have left my abuser in the wink of an eye, and that I should have been back to "life as it was before" five minutes after leaving him.
*snort* That's a pretty dream.
Abuse victims are in a form of hell on earth, and manipulation is a form of torture.
Yes, some mothers will react and leave when their companions start attacking their children. Some can do that, because that act of violence becomes a freeing trigger that helps them make a change.
Unfortunately, not all can do that, and the Earthlings should be told and taught that until they understand that abuse victims have their souls shackled and restrained.
I'm quite angry because what I saw made it clear that the wife is a victim, too, and the Prosecutor clearly felt contempt for her.
Her parents fled, the whole town turned deaf and blind, the police and the court gave a half-hearted slap on the wrist to her abuser, and now that the murderer she couldn't escape has killed her baby, she's probably going to end up in jail.
If I were the judge... I'd make sure she gets proper help, and I'd add the number of years the Law wants her to spend in jail to the sentence of the real culprit... but that's me, a Survivor who knows how quick and easy it is to fall for a predator.
2 comments:
haeard about a lass who was attacked at the weekend and her first reaction was to call for a taxi to take her home. Oh said the woman telling me, she must have made it up if she just wanted to go home after! er no! she wants to be able to have a locked door between her and the world! she isn't thinking she just wants to be safe! pointed this out to my gossiper gently and when asked how would I know, I told her, for the first time ever I told a relative stranger about my own attack, how it affected me and how it still does nearly 30 years later!
I doubt she will do more than, oh okay! but hopefully she may give the lass a little more benefit of the doubt, and may think a bit more in future!
sadly from what I hear the girls brother attacked a girl a few years ago and this was a retaliation or not! only gossip running and we know how real that gets! :-P
Poor woman, losing a child in any circumstance is beyond belief, to have them killed by her husband is a punishment enough, her whole life will be what if! prison may be nothing more than a safe place to be. nothing will save her baby!
*glomp*
I've spend the past few days telling people to educate themselves about manipulation and abuse. Those who, luckily, have never been "there" cannot understand what it's like.
I understand how what happened to you can still be with you.
Without St John's wort, I'd be in the Thames by now (and I've just admitted last month that I have a mild form of PTSD).
I hope your gossiper will think twice, but if she's like Mother that'll be an exercise in goldfish memory. :(
I hope the lass on your side will recover - and go see the coppers (??).
Perhaps jail will provide the mother with help, but I'm more worried about inmates piling up more abuse on her.
*sigh*
*HUGS*
Post a Comment