I Must Be Fine Then

I really must have the Void at bay these days (which is awesome - for me).

There has to be something in the air - and I don't mean Christmas.

Ah... Christmas! I've got the feeling that I'm in a bad remake of an episode of Friends, as I know I'm getting something big for Christmas, and I know it's not to give me something big (I've never been interested in big, ostentatious gifts - I'd rather get the tiny thing that costs 50p, but that I really want... Been there, done that, didn't get the T-shirt), it's just to show off (and probably make me feel bad for not having that much money - and, by the way, the holidays are always too much "Oh, but you're wasting your life being a teacher/a writer. You could make so much money if only you <insert stupid idea #3 billion&2>").

But this is not about Christmas.

Nope.

This post is about the weirdness around me these days.

So, without further ado, and in no particular order:

- Neighbours have announcements to make, and I've got one of my own. They get notices on the message board... I don't (I can really feel the love /Sarc off).

- On an overcrowded bus, I keep moving backwards to allow an old lady (she could have been young, or be an XY, same issue: misplaced entitlement) to walk closer to the door as she was getting off at the next stop. At one point, I end up blocked by an old grumpy guy behind me. We reach the stop, and as I'm stuck until Grumpy frees me, the old lady barks at me to move. 

I froze a bit on that one... Wish I'd barked back that I wasn't made of paper and I knew no one who could blink me out and back in. Perhaps she was having a bad day, but mine took a nosedive because of her barking pettiness... Yea... That's the issue when the Void is hunting you: molehills end up looking and feeling like the Himalayas - dumped onto one's ribcage.

- I mention DIY projects to people I know, only to be told that the glue I plan to use is crap (I never mentioned the exact variety I'm planning to use, but, hey! How could I know anything?).

- I mention something I'm going to buy to renovate something in my flat, and I'm encouraged to have it delivered (that would just add a third of the price to the bill) as I'll be unable to carry such fragile and cumbersome items back to my flat in one piece (yea, I'm that clumsy in some people's mind - coz that wasn't out of kindness or concern for me. No... Plain old "That gal will never, ever be capable of doing that").

- Since depression doesn't show (no purple and/or green spots on my face spelling out what the issue is), I've been recently dealing with:

     * people who showed compassion for other people's psychological issues whilst totally ignoring mine ("Aren't you better yet?" Fuck, no. I wish I were, but there's still a sodding sword of Damocles in my life. Sorry to be such a bother, eh?).

     * people who said I should just stop taking the medication that's preventing me from blowing a fuse, coz (fasten your seat-belt! No. Really!) they've heard a doctor on telly say that too much St John's wort can become a poison. Gee! Thanks! Too much water's a poison, too. Should I turn to vodka then? (Mind you, that's beginning to sound like a reasonable option!)

I've got the feeling that whatever I say is going to be twisted, ignored, or belittled.

I'm currently disappointed and angry, but I've got one huge project ahead. That's a bit scary (*cough* Make that a lot!), but that's exciting, too... and you can bet that I won't talk about my project with the odd bipeds in my life, who've been, consciously or not, trying to bring me down.

With the amount of weirdness around, I really must be slightly better (I'd have been crying on a bridge, pointedly looking at the river, just last year).

I really hope I can keep keeping the Void at bay...