Marketing Tips for Any Company

As a patron, allow me to give you some tips...

1 - In spite of what some strange study says (all right, it was supposed to be about sales in luxury stores, but I can think of one big department store where I live where the employees are taking this philosophy a step too far!), I want you to be nice. Perhaps some masochist answered a poll and declared that being treated like crap made them spend more money, but if you look at me as if I had the Plague, smelled like rotten eggs, and had just killed your favourite puppy because you work in that place, and you're sooooooooooooo important...

            a – I won’t buy anything from you

            b – I’ll never come back

          c – I’ll tell everybody (even complete strangers on the street) that you’re nasty people, and you’re to be avoided like the plonkers you are

2 - If I tell you that there's something I need, it's not your place to look down at me and patronize me by saying "We know better" / "We know what you need".

You're not a seer; you're not perfect, and if I tell you that I want "this" or "that"... Guess what? I do want "this" or "that".

If you don't listen to me, I'll go find someone else who'll give me what I want because, Cupcake, there will be another company ready to do exactly what I want.

3 - When you pay a company to launch an ad/commercial campaign to promote whatever you sell, ask a handful of real people what they think of the ads or the commercials.

I'll speak for myself, but if the ad or the commercial is sexist, racist, or just plain idiotic and/or patronizing, I'll growl, and I'll go see another company.

Now... think (if you can, that is). You should be charmers, not plonkers (see "Issue #1").

4 - You do not have to offer me any kind of discount (or anything), but I just bet that there are studies that prove that rewarding loyalty is a good thing for any company.
Whether it's a loyalty/rewards/points/advantage/whatever card or just giving away tiny free samples or a bookmark or a postcard, it can be a good thing for you to consider the option. Everybody likes unexpected gifts, and if so many companies are doing it, it has to mean that they've computed that it was a good call to do so.
Make your clients feel special (with tiny things). In spite of the study mentioned with Issue #1, most people like to be treated nicely, and a smile, a good service, quality products, and a reward for loyalty (or the promise of a discount for coming back) are all in your interest.
Make money by all means (that's your business), but don't be greedy. If you're greedy, you'll quickly forget that your patrons can go somewhere else, and you'll fail.

5 -  Last massive issue for today: Shipping&Handling.
Today, "handling" per se disappears in the cost of whatever we're buying.
Remains the issue of shipping.
Of course I've read articles about people who order something at 11pm and expect it to be delivered the next day before 10am - and they're ready to pay for that. Fine. Good for them.
Whilst I can understand the need, and I do approve it, you need to understand that some people do not care about slow delivery.
As well, international slow delivery should be an option. I mean, if I'm not ordering a pot of fresh butter, I don't care if what I ordered takes a month to reach me as long as shipping doesn't feel like a highway robbery.
The issue is all over the globe.
Let me give you two examples:
* I tried to order a packet of tea from an American company (I know, I know... Don't ask!). Packet price? About $10. Shipping in the US? About $4. Shipping to Europe? Over $40 because the only option was to have it airmailed. I didn't order it. I'll go buy a different tea here in town...
* I wanted to buy a Japanese book (I love the story, and I know it'd be a way to boost my reading skills: motivation by passion/addiction). Price of the book? Not even ¥600 (that's £3!). Compulsory airmail shipping? About ¥2000 (that's £11). I haven't bought the book.
I bet I'm not the only one not buying something when I see how expensive "shipping" is going to be.
Basically have the Apparition/Beaming delivery option (1), Standard delivery (2), and Snail-slow delivery (3). Then, you're sure to please everybody.
Every once in a while, for whatever reason (your anniversary, or the client's birthday), offer free shipping on one delivery. Not everyone's going to be tempted, but some people will indulge if there's no shipping.

6 - And then... Whatever you're selling me, remember that you must beg me to "Opt in" if you want me on a mailing list, or anything. I shouldn't have to write to you in order to "Opt out". "Yes, bug me, and sell my details to your friends" should never be the option by default.
If I have to tell you to leave me alone, the next letter shall be to send you packing.

There.
You have it.
Now, it's up to you to listen to me, but never forget that the competition is right next door, and nothing's keeping me from going to do business with them.
You're responsible for your marketing strategy...

Ukrainian Dinner (Training for Christmas)

The family's planning "unusual" (for us) dishes for the Christmas break.

I've found an old article about Ukrainian borscht, and I've decided to make that (I'm also in charge of the Christmas cake, and I'll look towards Japan then).

Since I'd never made borscht, I thought it'd be wise to train.

Here's my first borscht:

It needs a tad more pepper than the recipe said, but it works nicely. I'll just have to add onion and mushroom dumplings next months... ^_~

Interested in the full recipes and a step by step photo entry?

Instant Connection - The Anti-Spoiler Edition

Must.

Generate.

Clicks.

(You may replace "Clicks" by "Traffic", "Movement" or "See me, please! See me!")

I've just had the most unpleasant net experience (I can picture the average troll pointing out that I can write what's on my mind [because I can write, I own a computer, and I live in a country where I can publish what I think] and I don't live in a place where I'm bombed, shot at, abducted, or whatever, and so I shouldn't complain).

And I know I'm about to growl because of a bloody detail that's soooo "first world problem" - except that it's not that simple (because what happened  is an important part of my anti-depression safety net).

The thing is... traditional ways to fight against depression aren't working for me, and I had to DIY a way to not blow all my fuses.

A part of my coping technique involves having things (films, series, animes, etc...) to watch: I'm a squirrel for things to watch in the future. My line of thought is: 'If you want to know what happens in Series 2 of XYZ, you've got to be still alive to watch it.'

Incidentally, there are a few things that haven't been produced yet, but that we know will be produced, and these are my "You've got to be alive in 2016". I take one step at a time; I just know how quickly the Void can come back.

There are things I watch as soon as they're released because they're a treat and I need them to fuel my inner balance and make sure that I'll keep the Void at bay.

Now, be ready to pardon my French, but I fucking hate spoilers. It's "funny" because I was talking about spoilers just this week, and I was saying that stating that Hamlet dies at the end of the play isn't a spoiler because the story's been around for centuries and classics are off the potential spoiler list. However, last night's episode of anything is off the menu until people have had the opportunity to catch up - otherwise, you're Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory (the instant version).

Yet... some people seem to be unable to not blab about last night's episode once they have seen it (if you haven't, they cannot understand why you're upset that you were told about a major plot twist). 

And then, there are the media people. The ones who want to be the first ones to talk about the major plot twist because that's going to generate clicks on their links and have their websites get more traffic.

Consideration for the rest of the planet who hasn't seen last night's episode (and who won't be able to watch it for monthS, but who follows them, and thus will get to read the effing spoiler)? Nah... That's so 20^th century!

Now, they've got to behave like the worst tabloid around. 

Check the info before publishing anything? Nope. The info must be out there, from our site, and fuck the consequences.

Avoid publishing spoilers for a few hours (a day, maybe???)? Fuck that! We've watched the show, and everybody should have been in front of the telly then, as well.

That goes in the same twisted bag that wants you to be answering e-mails 24/7 (because sleep, cooking, walking the cat, and Real Life do not happen in today's world).

Just like people cannot let go of their mobiles even when they're dining with friends. If you're not on your phone, too, but are pissed off that the biped in front of you is ignoring you to chat with his cousin on the phone... basically, what's wrong with you?

I love today's technology. 

It's great to be able to phone home and say that the traffic is hellish and the bus is stuck so no one worries. 

It's fascinating to watch a rover land on Mars or watch a play, live from London or Los Angeles, online, or watch a press conference, live as well, from the White House.

It's bloody disappointing when someone behind a group (when it is not their topic of choice at all!), tweets about a spoiler in a series that was broadcast three hours ago - just because that puts their tweet "on the map".

As you can conclude, that just happened to me. I read my Twitter feed, and there I got the mother of all spoilers for tonight's episode (these past weeks, I'd caught the previous night's episode on the iPlayer the next day at breakfast; that was my treat). I'm still going to watch that only in the morning, but now I bloody know who is Missy in Doctor Who (I'm not going to name the happy bunch - probably just the one, though - of wankers that did that; I refuse to acknowledge them from now on).

I unfollowed them, but they won't even notice.

They're a perfect sign of the times: if you don't share the same philosophy about instant connection (and you don't have the same schedule when it comes to what they follow), you're screwed and they don't give a fuck.

Well, they're forever deleted from my world. And that Plonker Award goes to... *drops the trophy into the nastiest garbage can in sight*

**********

PS: I surfed Twitter a bit, and I spotted a few things:
* more idiots retweeting the spoiler just to be sure to not be late to the party
* bipeds inviting the world to watch the show as it's broadcast (promoting piracy, are we? Cos I'm quite sure my nonna couldn't watch it last night in Torino) or avoiding social media. I caught the spoiler on a feed that has NOTHING to do with the BBC, but since I'm a seer I should have known - or I should have turned Twitter off - basically, my friends cannot reach me by tweet so that some adolescent wanker can tweet a massive spoiler? That's giving a pass to uneducated plonkers and punishing the ones who couldn't watch the Beeb last night (sorry, I was working! My bad!)
* a few trolls/wankers rejoicing that the spoiler got out. What's Bedlam number again? I think they need to check a few miserable twats.

I am furious (understatement of the week - if not the month).